Fish

I swear my kids have grown gills this summer! The ET kiddos all can swim now and swim quite well too! Becca came home swimming but this is the first year we have allowed her not to use floaties - seriosly folks she is only 2 inches over 3 feet tall and the shallow end of our pool is 3 feet! Alem and Estifanos had never been in the water before coming home but boy do they love it now!The kids buried Luke in the sand at the volleyball court - very little volleyball ever gets played but it is the best sand box in town.

The hard stuff

So this past week we had a visit to Children's to see our infections disease docs. The kids are doing pretty well on their meds - which is great and hopefully, pending results from the lab we won't be going back until Oct!! Which would be awesome.

Our amazing nurse practitioner there is an adoptive mom of 2 ET kiddos and really knows what is what when it comes to adoption, and the hard stuff... I filter some of what I say to the team we see because Alem is in the room with us, but I try to be as real as possible. This week the social work team asked if I'd speak to them in the hall - I sure did. And I know I gave them a fright as I shared more than usual about our challenges, but seriously how in the world are they going to help people if everyone sugar coats things? Any way at a social event later in the week our NP thanked me for being real with them... I about cracked up - because seriously how can I be totally real when I am talking to 2 young gals who have -0- kids between them? LOL - and one gal is just out of school. Anyway I guess I gave them things to talk about at the team meeting - and since more and more folks are adopting older kiddos - well maybe they will be able to put together some things that actually help.

As for our control issues - ugh. Really there is no other word for how the last weeks have been - if you pray we sure could use it.

Life is...

CRAZY BUSY! I never really imagined that I would never have a moment to myself this summer - but boy oh boy I sure don't! I have tons on my mind that I'd love to get out... but I think it is going to have to wait a bit longer.... hope my brain doesn't explode.

Counseling part 2

Weeelllll - it has been several weeks and 2 more counseling visits since I last posted. All I can say is that if you are thinking counseling might be helpful - then go and commit to going for at least a month. These last 2 visits have really opened my eyes and been totally enlightening to some of the things going on with miss Alem. In fact both times our counselor has been able to get to the heart of our struggles in just a few minutes and give me pratical tips for overcoming and moving forward. The really hard part is that she has some seriously deep control issues and it is going to be challenging to overcome them. The other thing that was hard to hear is that she really isn't able to relate to people - she simply doesn't have the skills. Now those are things she can learn, and it explains why she can't really play with other kids yet - but it was hard for her to hear that she wasn't the same as the other kids in the neighborhood - but it motivates her to change and that is good.

Hang on for what promises to be a bumpy ride - we currently have to take all control away from her... ugh, not totally sure what that is going to look like, but I know she isn't going to like it....

Counseling

Well we've had several sessions with the counselor now... and the jury is still out as far as I am concerned. To be clear we are not going for attachment therapy - we really do see many positive attachment behaviors from her and while there is a long way to go neither the counselor or I think there is too much he can do to make it happen - time and prayer are what is needed. So then why are we at counseling you might wonder - Alem has some very serious fears... she is beginning to conquer them (and no the counseling has nothing to do with that, we have been working hard) but we felt that we needed some guidance in making the best choices to help her get over her fears and begin to trust that her new family was safe. This seems to be hard for her, in part because as some point in her past she was not safe. Older child adoption comes with many unknows - and trauma history is a big unknown. We have no idea what happened in her past or how it affected her, and there is no way to ask her... not because she doesn't have the language for it - she does (well at least for some of it), but because if she isn't ready to talk about it then she isn't ready. Either we aren't "safe" yet or she is choosing not to remember. It doesn't really matter.... except that we need to help her to manage her fear and conquer it so that she isn't held back in any way. So she does play therapy - she plays and interacts with the counselor and he makes observations and suggestions to me. We are going to give it a few more weeks and see if something good shakes loose.

The thing is that if she were the way she is now when she was home a month I wouldn't even think about counseling... but at a month home we were so falling apart... we have done alot of hard work to get her here and if there is any help or suggestions someone who sees traumatized kids on a regular basis can offer then we are going to take them up on it. Mostly he says that we are doing a good job - doing all the right things to help her - and that it takes time, we are expecting too much too soon. (LOL to that as seriously if he were living with her he'd be pushing her hard to get better and move foward too.)

We are believing that God will heal her heart and in the fullness of time she will learn to trust, to love with out fear, and to rest peacefully in Him.

When he calles me momma....

my heart melts.

From the beginning Estifanos has called me mom - but just mom at first. It was simply my name - not who I am to him. Little by little you can see his heart softening towards me... at first when I'd take the time to figure out why he was upset and set things to right, then when I'd make some dish for a meal that he really likes... little by little and he'd call me momma instead of mom. Now a days it is momma more often than mom... sweet.

" I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living" Psalm 27:13

Yesterday was a tough one - some days are harder than others, but that wasn't her it was me. I was worn thin and missing my sweetie (who is traveling this week) and I had scheduled a play date for her - which was a first ... and it had it's challenges. And this week I have been reminded by my big kids that while she is doing better there is still quite a way to go and we need to not settle for better - but strive for best.